It is impossible to know when you will fall for someone. You see, love can come at any time and in every place. These lines are well-known to you, I’m sure. It’s true. It was only 5 months ago that I believed it. Because I was constantly exposed to stories about love, it never occurred to me that true love could be found. People would pretend they couldn’t live with the person they loved at first, but after a while, they would start to hate them more than any other person in the world. It is hard to hate someone you love. It’s not love, at all.
The definition of love to me is caring, loving, and willing to go the extra mile to help that person. It’s the simplest and most precious things. However, it is important to remember that we are not expected to receive the same from our loved ones. That’s how love ends, but fails. So what made me believe in love and why? I am strong, tough and fearless. I can’t imagine anyone thinking that I would fall for a man. These things were never my thing. People still think that I am a shaman and continue to act like one. Other than a few close friends. You won’t believe what they say. It was January 2016 when I first met him. Perhaps I had seen him before but this was my first sighting of him. No ..!! He’s not my name. Let’s use Mr. Kind to refer to him.
So Mr. Kind went out with his group to practice cricket. For some reason, I was also there. Mr. Kind looked almost like a pro-cricketer. I was attracted to him because of his passion for cricket. I know I was just curious to learn more about him and the sport he plays. I watched him practice until it was over. My best friend was done practicing and it was time to go. I then asked him about Mr. Kind. I found out his name from him and was eager to find out more.
I watched him play for several days, but nothing new had happened to me. He was gone by the time cricket season ended. It was one of the most hilarious things that ever happened. I didn’t realize I had sent him a message about industrial training in November that year. This was our first conversation, just two messages later.
We didn’t talk for a year. I didn’t text him, neither face-to face. I watched him from a distance. He was my only friend. It was only a crush. This happened several times before. No big deal. That was fine by me.
September 2017 was the year I decided to get back into cricket. I used to play cricket… but it was quite a while ago. I was searching for better clubs. I considered asking Mr. Kind because he might have some suggestions. It was a perfect excuse to ask him and start a conversion. It was a great conversation. He was friendly. He is still a friend. One of his messages that I still remember is …’Your wish was fulfilled by my hard work. I felt very special after receiving this message. Although I am sure he meant it differently, from my perspective, it is. Since that day, I haven’t missed him since. Surprisingly I saw him every day, even if only for a few minutes. It’s fate. It was unusual for a crush, so I don’t really know. It has never happened before. We didn’t even exchange a word face-to-face.
We first spoke to one another during cricket practice. He came up behind me and said, “Bat De !!’..” I was batting. I gave him my bat and he ground it. I didn’t even say a word, as usual. I regret it for a long while.
My friends and me rarely talked about him..and they continued to press me to believe that while I don’t have an obsession with him, I love him. I don’t believe this because I thought it was obvious until I realized that I have been in love for him my whole life. While there were small signs that helped along the way, I didn’t understand them. It was during my cricket match where he was made the umpire. If you are reading this Mr. Kind, I will be very grateful. That cricket match was the most distracting of my entire life. I never felt so nervous before. However, that day I felt so nervous and unsure.
I usually share my feelings openly, but this time it was very different. I couldn’t openly tell anyone my feelings. Not even my close friends. Even if they did, they wouldn’t be able to help me. Only way to get help was to talk with Mr. Kind. He was available to speak to me immediately. We went together to an area regarding the farewell organization of each department after just one month. We were accompanied by two other friends. This was the most memorable day of my entire life. It was, and it should be. I had my first conversation with him and we spent about 4 hours together. I had so much fun, learned so many new things, and laughed so hard. It was too much fun to stop. It was my wish, I guess. We were so late back. It’s too many details to list. That day, I realized how it feels to be in love.
He was the one I felt most strongly about. But, in my head, I kept thinking about what if we never spoke again. He is still in college and I am left wondering how I would face him. I didn’t want to see our friendship end. I thought it might be better to admit my guilt after we’ve passed out. I also realized that if this happens, it will make me seem less concerned than I really am. Telling him before going to bed will help. I was aware that the Campus drive was coming close, and I was concerned about his busy schedule. Perhaps it would be better to tell him after everything is done on campus.
We still communicated via WhatsApp. Although we didn’t communicate regularly, we did text frequently about assignments and his assistance with my project. Although I wanted to tell him everything, I couldn’t. As I was texting my best friend this year, the name of Mr. Kind came up. My best friend joked that he would tell Mr. Kind all about me. He does this quite often. Even I joked with my friend about how he doesn’t possess the courage to do these things. I was mistaken and I made a lot of insults about his abilities. I did not know that my best friend had texted Mr. Kind within that time frame. He told me that I have a crush and also that I love him. I confessed to him a week later. This would have been my most risky decision. But it was a good decision. I have never been happier in my life. It is not that we are in a romantic relationship. He also stated that he does not feel the same for me. It’s even more sweet than that. It’s a day I will never forget. We had a short, funny conversation that was very cheeky and enjoyable. My best friend…
It was a moment that is most embarrassing to me now. I remember messaging my best friend about the project a few days after he told me. He then sat with me in the lab, discussing the assignment, and all that time, he knew how much I loved him. It makes my face blush. It makes me smile because I know that he is still the same person that I loved and he has not changed.
Even though I know he exists, I feel awkward looking at him. I find it harder to not bump into him. It’s a wonderful feeling. He is always mentioned by my friends, but I often lie and say that I have never thought about him. Because I don’t know how.
We share many similarities, which I believe attracted us together. He is my soulmate. I don’t know how Mr. Kind feels about it. I know he considers myself a friend and that I am grateful for that. I was wrong to believe he wouldn’t accept me after discovering the truth. I was overthinking.
If love can lead you in the right direction, helps you think and do well in life, and gives you more faith in yourself, then you are worth it. If the opposite happens, you’re heading in the wrong directions.
Can I love you one-sided? Yes, absolutely. So is our relationship. It’s a good thing it stays this way. In less that a year, our paths will diverge in life. So let it be. It’s not like destiny has a set date.
I knew I wanted to finish this story when I began writing it. However, a few days prior to that, while talking with him, I realized that I have more stories to tell. I decided to continue writing this story until Mr. Kind has read it.
